Projects: 2017 / 2016 / 2014 / 2013 / 2012

VRL Thonger

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I'll write a poem every day, might be tiny but it'll be complete.



Make a cry, that all the lords, knights and gentlemen of arms, should draw unto Camelot, and there would make great jousts. When the king was come thither, and lodged, there was come a damosel sent from the great lady Lile of Avelion. And when she came before King Arthur, she let her mantle fall that was richly furred; and then was she girt with a noble sword whereof the king had marvel. and said, Damosel, for what cause are ye girt with that sword? it beseemeth you not. The damosel; this sword that I am girt withal doth me great sorrow and cumberance, for I may not be delivered of this sword but by a knight without villainy or treachery, and without treason. And if I may find such a knight that hath all these virtues, he may draw this sword out of the sheath. This is a great marvel, said Arthur, if this be sooth; I will myself assay to draw out the sword, not presuming upon myself that I am the best knight, but that I will begin to draw at your sword in giving example to all the barons. Then Arthur took the sword by the sheath and by the girdle and pulled at it eagerly, but the sword would not out. Sir, said the damosel, you need not to pull half so hard, for he that shall pull it out shall do it with little might. Ye say well, said Arthur; I am displeased. Well duh, said the damosel, next time pay attention you jumped-up little tyrant, can't hang about, gotta find that good knight of my dreams, got a long list here. Laters dude.

Grab it by the handle and wrestle

it out of the attic. When did mine ever

contain suits? Never, with a single

exception: I had one trouser

suit, a present for my 14th birthday

tissue-paper packed in its own suitcase:

when I popped the catches, out jumped

a crocheted Biba confection in psychedelic

purple swirls, the hipster pants

flaring into bellbottoms, the tied top

ending just under my ribs with

flared arms belling out way beyond

my fingertips. I was uncertain about

what underwear to put on, having

only white but was entirely thrilled

with my mother, who'd thought of it

and my grandmother, who tolerated it

and my sister, who'd be too shy for it.

For several hours I wore the trouser

suit swankily around the house

and posed in front of my mother's

long wardrobe mirror with a floppy

hat and dark glasses, singing Hey Jude

and making peace signs. It so happened that

adolescence swarmed upon me that

very day as if it had been Pandora's

suitcase that turned out to be full of

purple stretch marks appearing on

suddenly tender breasts, white

underwear soaking in cold water

in every washbasin, aching guts

and stubbly dark regrowth on legs

so recently downy and now filled

with significance because of where

they led; the trouser suit was never worn

in the real world out there, too daunting

for the freshly careworn me; suit and case

were banished to the wardrobe shelf.

Now a suitable amount of time has passed

I'm all set to get out the terrifying

outfit and what the hell, wear it

with any underwear I damn well like

unless it's too small, in which case, into the fire.

'This meal was amazing I had 4 of the biggest

tiger prawns for dessert after 4 mains.

Meals in the evening usually cost about 50

to 80 baht but they put sugar on everything

I'll send you a photo of this massive reclining Buddha

I mean places like that don't really do much for me

but it was pleasant, unfortunately even though

the temperature was only about 28 the humidity

was so high it made it feel at least 38 or 40.

Charles and me took a boat to further upstream

to the wrong pier and paid 100 baht each

whereas we could have got to the right pier

for 50 baht and I bought these elephant pants

king size, the comfiest trousers you'll ever wear

for 150 baht and then further along I walked

along this pier and was just surrounded

by elephant pants for 100 baht so I felt like

an idiot for not realising but that wasn't

as bad as when we paid 100 baht for a bike ride

I mean the back of a motorbike to go less than 1km

even though it looked pretty far on the map

I was feeling a bit dodge this morning so I made

a salami sandwich for breakfast from stuff

I bought at the supermarket which settled

my stomach today I sweated through my clothes

more than I even did in Egypt the most

I've ever sweated in my life it's difficult here

coz you can't drink tap water and it's a lot

more important compared to Italy or somewhere

and because it's not a tourist area it's hard to

learn the language because they all want

to practise their English' and his parents

bent forward over the laptop screen

their heads close together, smiling and saying

encouraging things like 'You'll have to brush up

on your Thai then', 'Keep up your fluids' and

'You'll get used to the humidity' until the young

man's eyes drooped and they excused him

almost packing him off to bed, taking deep

breaths to keep their bursting hearts

inside their chests and leaping up when

the Facetime connection closed to make cups

of tea loudly clearing their throats and blinking.

blue circles/ wrestle quietly/ bobbing hands/ inhaling mist/ pot climb/ fat dog/ orange balm/ mark contaminants/ modernist brown/ mis-juggled bus

cuts straight/ drop drunk/ boat fails/ safe swiping/ folding armour/ rio bass/ salmon hilltop/ lemons drenched/ gallant bathrooms/ forbidden ancient

flailing bear/ murderous juicy/ pixellated pratfalls/ stalk sisters/ burning cries/ she simply/ trickle pig/ zampona grinder/ holes stardust/ grounded chuckle

trees walk/ glitter football/ scythe-eyed mortal/ skitter shard/ dodged moonwolf/ two forks/ inertia beast/ chain-smoked asthma/ pillows throw/ jazz legs

turban sketch/ worried peanuts/ open skin/ high-five reflecting/ pedalling pitch-pole/ bitten-down cleaning/ drowning warm/ vermilion swallowed/just miso/ adrenalin grit

idiot parasol/ tranny patch/sour-faced peppercorn/ girt damosel/ stale twists/ singing trouser/ gyre praying/ hedged estuary/ clicks marred/ sommer declines

seatbelts synth/ rock beach/ sweated elephant/ crab under/ feed fringes/ honey tattoo/ beckoned brightly/ idyll app/ queen chalet/ rising thunderous

stream dream/ slick lurch/ laugh mama/ catchfly cushions/ totally laters/ shrine cat/ bagpipes icumen/ platform us/ taller streets/ wrung rolled

cheese balls/ book rival/ impossible tea/ memorably leopardskin/ by serpentine/ bone broke/ chandelier cockles/ stretching turquoise/ fancy falconry/ dawn scoop

hares short/ expiry exempt/ disco thud/ laden journey/ swerve minutes/ struts signify/ peppered headache/ feather claws/ sent sideways